Marriage Haste Makes Waste

Marriage. Over half of marriages will not survive the violent winds that blow in marriages. When there's a rush to enter into marriage, it's more likely that the odds of survival are significantly reduced.

The statistics don’t lie. The old adage is "What's the rush?"

Proverbs 21:5 (NKJV)

"The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty but those of everyone who is hasty, surely to poverty."

For the woman, it's about locking down the agreement because they know that the "competition" is steep and the clock never waits for anyone.

Let's face it. Women know that men could back out of the deal and she has to start all over again. It's also true that women could back out too. These days, women are now career oriented and the cost of family and living is very high.

Also, to be truthful and honest, a very small percentage isn't marriage material.

People are difficult as it is, but the real difficult people are the ones that just can't get along.

WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO LIVE WITH YOU?

Also one salary doesn't cut it if you want to live comfortably.

Another reason why people get married is to make ends meet.

A woman needs to feel secure that the man will "pay your way" for you to live comfortably, and for her and him, economically, it makes sense. She's willing to put up with a whole lot of junk in a man's trunk just to have some security.

There's "high maintenance" men and women.

Another thing is that even if a man is married, the "competition" doesn't stop.

Other immoral women hunt for a premade man that takes care of his responsibilities.

House, apartment, car, money, and handles his business. Less maintenance.

The wife still feels that she's competing because the lust that's in the heart of man will lure him away from his wife if he's not disciplined.

The "competition" will risk getting pregnant to force the issue.

Proverbs 6:23-26 (NKJV)

"For the commandment is a lamp,

And the law a light;

Reproofs of instruction are the way of life,

To keep you from the evil woman,

From the flattering tongue of a seductress.

Do not lust after her beauty in your heart,

Nor let her allure you with her eyelids.

For by means of a harlot, a man is reduced to a crust of bread;

And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life."

Even if it's not about her security, lust in the heart of a woman can be just as powerul as a man. The achieving of the sexual climax (orgasm) is a drug called "dopamine" which is excreted into the blood stream and brings satisfaction to the mind and flesh.

But after achieving orgasm, the normal course of life resumes. After fulfilling the lusts of the flesh and mind, the bills still have to be paid.

That's why pornography is a big problem in marriages. According to divorce attorneys in California, more than half of marriages that end up in divorce, porn is at the root.

Why?

Fantasy. You want to have sex with that image on the screen.

Then you're not satisfied and you go "hunting." Pun intended. Hunter Biden.

But even with Trump, he's an adulterer. He was married to Ivana also known as Ivanka (passed away), then, while Trump was married, he committed adultery with Marla Maples, and then Trump committed aadultery with Melania.

The Lord created marriage but men and women, in their fallen state, will ignore the boundaries established by the Lord in His Word.

Even some married women have lust in their heart for another man when the husband is engaged in his other "mistress." His occupation (see Genesis chapter 39). A man will love his job to the point where the wife is neglected and she will feel justified in committing adultery.

Why do marriages end in waste?

There's a number of things but the top culprit for a man is lust in the heart.

Then there's the communication issue that may or may not drive lust in the heart of the man or the woman.

When there's a rush into marriage, certain "signals," when discovered, must never be ignored.

There's the ordinary or normal course of courting a mate.

Attraction is a part of the game, so to speak, but underneath the outer beauty of a woman and outer strength of a man is the real person.

The heart.

You can put on all the make up on the outside of a woman. Red lipstick, false eyelashes, tighten the waist, hair is perfect, a tight dress with cleavage and a man could look "buffed" but the true character of a person always emerge.

The heart.

The Lord uncovered the real reason why a man divorces his wife and a woman divorces their husband.

Matthew 19:3-11 (NKJV) The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”

He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”

Men and women can have hard hearts in marriage.

It's also known as "irreconcilable differences."

In other words, both parties choose not to budge their position. They're unwilling to compromise.

When you see that he or she is unwilling to compromise before getting married, it's a 'SIGNAL' that must never be ignored.

This is why you shouldn't be hasty in getting married because if you're always at each other, fussing and arguing, it's just a matter of time before you begin to "explore" other "options" after you get married.

However, it's better to escape before you get married than to press the escape button after you're married because the Lord commands that marriage is PERMANENT.

Fornication and adultery before marriage is like "try before you buy."

The sex was great, but living with that person comes to haunt your decision to have sex.

Hopping in bed before you get married is 100% a bad decision.

The world established the endless cycle of divorce for any reason and get married again and it's entered the church.

Compatibility requires compromise.

James 3:17 (NKJV)

"But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy."

Contentions in courting reveal a lot about how a marriage will go. If the contention is hot all of the time, it's a signal that can't be ignored. It means that a person is not "willing to yield."

So why do one or both contentious persons get married anyway?

A woman could be just as verbally and physically abusive to a man, but they've come to a place where the risk is negligible or small.

When a woman becomes verbally abusive or physically abusive to a man it's.....

Proverbs 21:9 (NKJV)

"Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman."

It's WWF in many homes.

For a police officer, domestic disputes is one of the most dangerous calls.

Domestic abuse is a crime and when an officer determines who was the initial physical aggressor, the one that started it will go to jail and be charged with felon assault.

In the dating or engagement scene, they've suppressed the obvious fact. This person is a major problem but they enter into denial and suppression.

They believe that this constant contention could be controlled.

This is where controlling and manipulation rises.

To get what you want (marriage), you're willing to go through "turbulence" to get to the destination (marriage). You've calculated that it will get better with age.

The attraction to the flesh can play tricks on the mind but also to achieve the objective (marriage) IS WORTH THE RISK.

Then they both play the game that maybe "I can change them later."

Amos 3:3 (NKJV)

"Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?"

Finding common ground early in the courting may help to avoid some of the contention, especially if you're willing to compromise for the mutual benefit of the relationship.

It's never correct to assume that a marriage is perfect and courting is or will be perfect.

However, you need to have discernment (wisdom) and the ability to be patient. Also, you have to realize that you can't live in denial. In other words, you look at the person that you're courting and you see an obvious signal or signals, but you ignore it.

One signal may not be a deal breaker but you need to pay attention because if it gets out of hand, it's a like ignoring a small fire. If you don't put it out, you'll lose everything.

That's why in courting, you'll need to have some serious conversations before you get married.

As far as divorce and remarriage is concerned, the Scriptures is very clear that the Lord is against remarriage after divorce to another person for any reason. It's against the will of God. The only reason allowed is when the husband or wife has committed adultery unless they reconcile (see 1 Corinthians 7:10-11).

In my judgment and opinion, if you're in a constantly abusive relationship, it's a very good reason to divorce a husband or wife that didn't involve adultery. It's unreasonable to stay with a wife or husband beater or verbal abuser. It's common sense to end an engagement, courting, or marriage relationship where physical and verbal abuse is common.

Never be in denial about physical and verbal abuse.

Domestic violence is dangerous, and it's not worth losing your life over it.

Finally, you're not going to get it perfect but you have to be able to identify blaring or loud signals that the relationship is going to have trouble unless it's resolved.

A car mechanic once said that it's cheaper to change the oil than to replace the engine.

Better yet. It's better to pre inspect the car before you buy it because once you buy it, you're in for a lot of trouble.

Pre inspect the husband and the wife for secrets.

Speak with each other's famiies to find them out. Investigate their friends. If you want to, hire an investigator that you trust to get the truth if you believe that they may be hiding something from you.

Too many marriages end in divorce because of secrets.

Is he or she a closet homosexual?

Have they been married before?

If they've committed adultery, the Bible is clear. No marriage. No exceptions.

Porn. Porn. Porn.

It's a problem for both men and women. Don't let this secret remain a secret.

Do they have financial obligations that they can't meet? It all depends.

If it's beyond your ability to pay, it's best not to get married until it's resolved unless you're willing to help take on the debt and pay what you both may owe.

Negotiate.

Do they have a lust problem?

Other women or men on the side? Don't get married.

Are they constantly a verbal or physical abuser?

Don't even think about getting married to that person.

It may cost you you're life.

Even if they claim to be "saved," it doesn't mean a thing, even when it should.

Christians can forget that they're a Christian even in their marriages.

Use good judgment and God's wisdom.

Proverbs 22:3 (NKJV)

"A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished."